Sisyphus

It has been many months, and feelings of flatness and frustration. The insidious progressive nature of MS demands continual readjustment.

I remember riding subways as a boy and playing a little game of standing without holding on to any supports. The unpredictable nature of sideway jolts as the train sped through tunnels required awareness and nimble balance adjustments. To master standing without support was a mini right of passage.

Here I am at 63, having to re-learn balance everytime I move, only this time there is no mastery. It is more like Sisyphus pushing his rock up the mountain, watching it roll down, and once again pushing it up the mountain.

But 63 brings some understanding, and I am grateful, even if weary, of the awareness of each moment, of not taking the ordinary for granted. And that awareness, cultivated by my daily tai chi practice—is a blessing in itself.