Like others with a chronic illness, I wrestle with my attitude. Although I am generally an optimistic person, I do not find a perpetual attitude of positive feeling to be a comfort in dealing with MS. Neither does the dark solace of pessimism offer much.
My reality and its accompanying emotions are most at home when I step beyond the expectations of being either optimistic or pessimistic. Carrying around any expectations, whether they be positive (a cure in the near future, a future of independent living ) or negative (there is no cure for MS, I will end up in a wheelchair), creates a burden that invites disappointment and emotional pain. If I am optimistic, I set myself up for a letdown. If I am pessimistic, I close myself off to positive happenings. Those sticky expectations, I didn't see them in the shadows.
Obviously, MS, like tai chi, is living and only done in the present moment—which may be happy or sad. And immediately thereafter another moment follows with its inherent unpredictability that lies beyond the half-hidden expectations that I have created. So, when I sm fortunate enough to recognize the expectation, I remind myself-- "let it go."
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Thanks for that reminder, and so well written, to work toward escaping, or at least being aware of, the trap of expectation - dark or light. There seems to be such pressure to refuse negative thoughts and only encourage positive - an unrealistic agenda, but no more unhealthy than the opposite. It is difficult to dedicate oneself to here and now, but, as you so eloquently point out, we need to let go of our expectations. Thanks.
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